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Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 6:30 pm
by Death 999
Yeah, yeah, it's April 1, but this is no joke.

So, my Peeru fanfic progressed to chapter 19 and then stopped for a long time. Or so it seemed.

Actually, I added 2 more chapters, but I neglected to post them because I wasn't entirely happy with the way the second ended and led into the third, which I kept having to scrap. But I then the forum moved, and I began to move towards reposting. Then I realized that no, I didn't need to hold back on chapter 20, which was pretty solid.

So, I'm going to present the fanfic again, with certain minor changes throughout, and chapter 20 added; and then moving on from there. I will try to aim for a biweekly-ish update schedule.

Readers are invited to speculate on future developments.

By the way, does this forum automatically lock old posts like the UQM fora do? I would greatly prefer if it did not. History or no, I'd like to be able to edit these in place.

~~~~
Some continuity notes (point them out to me if I screw up):
Druuge do nod to indicate agreement.
They do not shrug or sigh (except when noted as a specific exception in the text).
They have multiple hearts.

Zoq-Fot-Pik biochemistry is right-handed, as opposed to Terrestrial, Syreen and Druuge, which are all left-handed. The others, I haven't made up my mind yet.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 1:01 pm
by Lukipela
So I've finally started reading this and it's quite good. I was a bit confused y the chain-lengthening in the first part, I had to re-read it a couple of times to get the gist. Also, what race are the ZFP captains here? Anyway, going to read a part or three a week and post comments as they come up.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:40 pm
by Death 999
Concerning the chains:
Druuge bosses look down on those below them, literally. If you lengthen your chain, you're descending down to their level. So, it originally meant socializing below your rank. After the usual pejoritive turns that most slang get, it came to weakly imply a relationship based on physical pleasure. Not sex, exactly; as Druuge reproductive behavior is substantially different than ours, as we may soon (mid-May) get to in the main text. Or not. Am still deciding.

Is there some way I can make that clearer? It only comes up a few more times.

The ZFP captaincy is explained in the chapter entitled 'Frungy'. The one you see in sim is a Pik, as you might guess from the exuberance.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:36 pm
by Lukipela
Death 999 wrote:Concerning the chains:
Druuge bosses look down on those below them, literally. If you lengthen your chain, you're descending down to their level. So, it originally meant socializing below your rank. After the usual pejoritive turns that most slang get, it came to weakly imply a relationship based on physical pleasure. Not sex, exactly; as Druuge reproductive behavior is substantially different than ours, as we may soon (mid-May) get to in the main text. Or not. Am still deciding.

Is there some way I can make that clearer? It only comes up a few more times.
Ah, I get it now. I dunno, the metaphor just doesn't jump out of it for me, especially since both the director and that unpleasant fellow both use them within a few sentences. I'm just sort of going "Hmmm, she lengthened her chain? Is that some sort of marriage thing? Oh wait, he's not lengthening her chain to him? Did she propose? No, the PIRR is a proposal. Ah, I get it, it's an insult.". Dunno if it can be made clearer though and a certain modicum of confusion is to be expected when we are following an alien perspective from the start.

The ZFP captaincy is explained in the chapter entitled 'Frungy'. The one you see in sim is a Pik, as you might guess from the exuberance.
Ah, hadn't gotten that far yet.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 7:02 pm
by Angelfish
I like this story :D. It's well written and well thought out, clearly one of the best fanfics I've seen in years.
Although one thing I dislike is the 'kumbajaaah' attitude of zelnick, but that's the risk of including the player character into your story, people might feel a bit distanced from him because they played the character differently in SC2.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:20 pm
by Death 999
He's a challenge to write, for sure. I'm not sure how he's Kumbayah material, really. By when did you form that impression?

Luki - I'll see what I can do.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:24 am
by Angelfish
Death 999 wrote:He's a challenge to write, for sure. I'm not sure how he's Kumbayah material, really. By when did you form that impression?
When Zelnick started negotiating with everyone what to do, and when he said that they wouldn't use the furnace on the maulers ;).

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:45 pm
by Death 999
I don't know what scene you're talking about with the negotiations. Especially if it occurs before refusing to use the furnace.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:08 pm
by Lukipela
Yay! update. Although all this economic talk is making me dizzy and there's quite a few names to keep track on by this date. I've actually read through all parts now, but I did it without making notes so I can't remember my comments. There were a few confusing sections, I'll try and go through it again later n and jot down what I got.

For this part, there's a lot of Syreen to keep track of. Especially when you take a short break from the story, it feels as if there are a bit too many side characters to remember.

But all in all Angelfish is right. This is the best damned fic in a long time.

Re: Peeru Fanfic Comments

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 12:01 am
by Death 999
I can make a character guide, but yes, specific comments will be good. I hope to have sorted out the chain lengthening bit in chapter 1 by next update, btw. Still waiting on a clarification from Angelfish.

As for the Syreen, it's not particularly important to be able to tell them apart. I made sure that everything you really need to know about any of them, you're told right before you need to know it (e.g. that Sharae's ship is in decent condition, just before she is tapped to watch Leeta's).

I'm curious if people can find their name sources -- all Syreen names in the list of captains (and so, all canonical Syreen names other than Talana) are after female sci-fi characters, usually heroines. I have kept that tradition alive with my all-original-name Syreen cast.