Author Topic: Where are you heading?  (Read 32169 times)

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Offline Alen

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #120 on: November 17, 2009, 07:40:57 pm »
Thats because that about how happy you can get in a marriage.  ;)
And that's all I got to say about that.

Offline Lukipela

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #121 on: November 18, 2009, 12:16:42 pm »
Eh, Sedodes' relationship doesn't sound any more or less healthy than most of the other couples I know. Some of the happiest couples I know seemingly spend 90% of the time either snarking or screaming at each other, oddly enough.

To be honest, that sounds pretty alien to me. Granted, I'm not married so maybe there is some mythical change coming, but I've spent the last 6 or so years with the same woman and I've several friends who have married. While I can't vouch for what goes on in their private lives, none of the people I know have fights in public. As for ourselves, we rarely argue. We can get annoyed with each other, but there's none of the implied superiority complex Sed mentions in it. We can both admit when we've done something silly and no ones ego really gets bruised. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

Edit for content:

Also, I've now been working abroad for three months. It's weird, but fun. I'm going home this weekend to visit and I'm quite looking forward to it. Haven't been back in slightly over the month. It's weird how quickly home stops feeling like home.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2009, 12:21:05 pm by Lukipela »
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Offline Draxas

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #122 on: November 19, 2009, 07:43:27 am »
To be honest, that sounds pretty alien to me. Granted, I'm not married so maybe there is some mythical change coming, but I've spent the last 6 or so years with the same woman and I've several friends who have married. While I can't vouch for what goes on in their private lives, none of the people I know have fights in public. As for ourselves, we rarely argue. We can get annoyed with each other, but there's none of the implied superiority complex Sed mentions in it. We can both admit when we've done something silly and no ones ego really gets bruised. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

I didn't say my relationship with my wife was the same way. In all honesty, it's pretty alien to me too, so it's not really a cultural thing I think. Some people just don't feel right without a little bit of tension in their lives, I guess. My wife and I, however, really don't see a point to fighting with or yelling at each other, nor being stubborn about who may or may not be right in any given situation.

And really, not much changes when you get married, at least not until there are kids on the way, anyway.

Offline Alen

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #123 on: November 19, 2009, 09:30:15 pm »
Kids are usually one of the main things that adds tension in a relationship. or at least one of the most stressful ones.
And that's all I got to say about that.

Offline fossaman

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #124 on: November 20, 2009, 01:09:00 am »
Having kids is kind of the whole point to permanent pair-bonding (i.e. marriage). And I don't think that it's so much a stressor on a relationship as it is just a stressor. Something about the crushing responsibility of trying to raise a worthwhile human being...
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Offline Alen

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #125 on: November 20, 2009, 02:04:51 am »
Or the problems of actually not making one.
And that's all I got to say about that.

Offline Lukipela

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #126 on: November 20, 2009, 08:17:30 am »
Having kids is kind of the whole point to permanent pair-bonding (i.e. marriage). And I don't think that it's so much a stressor on a relationship as it is just a stressor. Something about the crushing responsibility of trying to raise a worthwhile human being...

It's the biological point of pair bonding. There are plenty of others. Otherwise we wouldn't barren, old or gay people who want to get married. But I do agree, that responsibility is about the biggest most fo us will ever have to take on. And you won't know how you did until a long long time from the start of the project.

Or the problems of actually not making one.

Alen, could you please stop posting one liners about marriage and children1? This is a thread about where you're heading, what you're dreaming of and what you're currently doing. Why don't you share with us?

For myself, I'm back home in Finland. It feels surprisingly good to be home, yet alien at the same time. I've been working on getting a placement abroad for 1.5 years, and only now that I've been abroad for 4 months I'm beginning to understand what it means. It means losing everything familiar, falling out of touch with friends, being forced to adapt to completely new circumstances. It's definitely not as easy as I thought it'd be. It's stressful, tense and depressing at times. But it is so worth it. You learn a lot about yourself this way, as well as about the people you know. And of course you learn (or in my case re-learn) that things are different everywhere.

I mean, I lived a year in Ireland when I was younger. I should know this stuff. But that's a long time ago I guess, and I'm relearning a lot of the lessons I should always have known. The first lesson would probably be to never ever assume that something works the same way as home. It might be worse or better, but it is usually always different.

All in all, I'd recommend for anyone to go abroad. Just don't expect it to be all roses?

1And cut down on the one-liners in general. Flesh out your posts man, don't just leave them hanging like wispy willows in a terrible autumn storm!
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Offline Sedodes

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #127 on: November 21, 2009, 08:22:58 am »
You want to know what's most surprising about my post?  For two years my wife and I NEVER FOUGHT.  That's right, never once - in fact, we laughed and joked about the idea that people would fight.  We couldn't dream of not being so in love with each other as to make anything even worth fighting about.  The whole reason there IS conflict is simply because we're both so stubborn, but that's why our marriage is going to last forever - we're too stubborn to end it, no matter how bad things get.  It's a boon and a curse, because I don't think either of us could imagine actually staying married to anyone else.  When we have our good days they're 10 times worth every ounce of fighting we've done.

We don't fight in public, we don't fight in front of the child, and we never get violent or smash-y, and we're not vengeful.  It's not like we're always at each-other's throat, either, but we have an average of 10 days/month where we've fought.  We've simply realized that the things we love about each-other frustrate us at times, and when we need to tell the other person what's bothering us they're (naturally) too stubborn to admit fault.  It sounds rather stupid and dysfunctional, and maybe it is, but that's love between two "alpha" personalities for you I guess.
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Offline Lukipela

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #128 on: November 28, 2009, 11:26:02 am »
That sounds even more alien. As I said, we rarely fight or argue. But it's not because of some mythical sense of "being so in love we can't fight". I mean, I love my siblings and parents (though obviously not in exactly in the same way) and I disagree with them as well. I argue more with my brother and sister than with my girlfriend. I guess we just agree on a lot of things. And when we do disagree, we talk about it rather than fight about it.

But i guess peopel are different. Maybe we should argue more, who knows?i've heard people say that it can do a world of good as well.
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Offline fossaman

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #129 on: January 28, 2010, 10:58:58 pm »
So, it seems I get to take another stab at finishing high school. I took a placement test yesterday at the local community college for their high school completion program. Classes start in early April. Not sure exactly how it works, but since I scored pretty well on the test I can take college level classes and get both high school and college credit for them. I don't see a downside.

Also, I turn 21 tomorrow (or in about an hour, depending on how you reckon things). Whoo! I guess this means I could go buy alcohol? I certainly don't plan to, as I like my liver and brain cells far too much for that. But it is tempting to go into a bar and buy a soda or something, now that it's actually legal for me to be on the premises.
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Offline Eth

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #130 on: January 29, 2010, 12:51:09 am »
  A bit of red wine is good for your heart.  It won't damage your other organs if you imbibe in moderation. 

Offline Cedric6014

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #131 on: January 29, 2010, 04:25:12 am »
Whoo! I guess this means I could go buy alcohol? I certainly don't plan to, as I like my liver and brain cells far too much for that.

Mate, the benefits of inebriation far outweigh the costs.  Go order 5 beers!

Offline Lukipela

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #132 on: January 29, 2010, 06:59:59 am »
So, it seems I get to take another stab at finishing high school. I took a placement test yesterday at the local community college for their high school completion program. Classes start in early April. Not sure exactly how it works, but since I scored pretty well on the test I can take college level classes and get both high school and college credit for them. I don't see a downside.

Congrats on that! It's nice to get the paperwork sorted out, because sooner or later you might well end up needing it. Is the business going well otherwise?

Quote
Also, I turn 21 tomorrow (or in about an hour, depending on how you reckon things). Whoo! I guess this means I could go buy alcohol? I certainly don't plan to, as I like my liver and brain cells far too much for that. But it is tempting to go into a bar and buy a soda or something, now that it's actually legal for me to be on the premises.

As has been said, small amounts of alcohol can be beneficial. It can also be relaxing and nice. Some of it even tastes good. Don't deny yourself a test :)
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Offline fossaman

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #133 on: January 29, 2010, 10:49:57 am »
While I can understand the appeal of alcohol, I also have some religious reasons for avoiding it. And...it's a little hard to explain, but having been chronically ill for years now, I feel a bit like my brain is the only part of me that works the way it ought to. I don't really like the idea of doing something that turns that off, even a little bit, even for a little while. Still, even if that weren't the case my religious convictions would keep me from drinking.

Business stuff is going pretty slowly. I've had at least a couple months were I've broken even on web hosting and banking costs, but I'm not generating anywhere near the number of sales I'd need to make the venture self-supporting. I think I can get it there, though. It may take some time, but I've got a big enough artisitic ego to try and see it through. I'm strongly considering doing a redesign on the front page of my website to make it more engaging and user friendly. I need to make it obvious that I've got a big honkin' portfolio with more than 200 pieces in it for people to look at, and I need to make it easy to browse. Haven't got many ideas for that at the moment.
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Offline Eth

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Re: Where are you heading?
« Reply #134 on: January 29, 2010, 11:00:57 am »
Can you post a link again, please?  I do some web design; I can probably make some suggestions.