The Alliance-Hierarchy War: 2116

[Morpheus]

Eldan slept in the helmsman seat with his head hanging over the back of the black chair and his arms crossed. He slept quietly and peacefully, dreaming of grand battles and a hero's welcome at home. It was hard work being the helmsman of an earthling cruiser. Of course most of the time they weren't fighting, they were just flying through hyperspace which took days so during that he either slept at the controls, watched the red glow of hyperspace or ate. Then there were some old arcade games from earht he had brought with him but he had to be alert at all times and not playing games. Of course sleeping wasn't being alert but that was necessary for survival so he usually slept for five hours then woke up to see their position in hyperspace.

Right now though he was asleep, unaware of what was going on around him. Suddenly a voice was heard. "A Hu-man! This Day Is A Fruitful Day, For I Shall Enjoy Nipping At The Helmsman's Flesh, Revealing The Red, Moist Organs Inside!"

Eldan jumped and grabbed the controls, shouting, "Incoming!"

But they were still in hyperspace. Eldan frowned in confusion at what had just happened, then he looked to his side to see sensor officer Lieutenant Rena Delaho messing with the voice synthesizer. Eldan scowled and rubbed his hand back through his hair. "Rena, has it been five hours yet?"

She shook her head. Eldan looked at her incredulously. "Then why-"

"It's fifteen minutes after five." She interrupted.

A thin voices laughter was heard on the opposite side of Eldan. "Heh heh heh heh!"

Eldan back-slapped the Shofixti tactical officer in the chest. "You try being me, then we'll see how giddy you are after getting hardly any sleep through hostile space, Takata!" Eldan said weakly but sternly.

"I cannot help but laugh at your reaction to that."

Eldan narrowed his eyes. "Just wait, Takata. We'll see how you like it when the time comes."

Rena smiled and patted Eldan on the back as she walked away, heading for the corridors of the ship. Eldan sighed and leaned onto the control panel watching the red star-streaks of the hyperspace tunnel through the large window.

[fluffy_banana]

The announcement and preemptive taunting finished, the Ilwrath aboard one Avenger prepared to attack an Earthling Cruiser.

"Engage Cloaking Device, Now," commanded Cutting Off Your Limbs In Such A Way As To Generate Maximum Blood And Fear, commander of the Ilwrath vessel Bloody Teeth Ripping Flesh From Your Bones. At least, that's what he (and his ship) was in direct English translation. The Ilwrath themselves simply called him Karvax and the Chakzth. If any human ever lived long enough in his presence to call him anything, they'd probably do the same.

A young officer named Eating The Red Fleshy Substance Within The Soft Juicy Shell (other wise known as Zorgan) pressed his spidery limbs against the Cloak On button.

The Chakzth cloaked itself, black as the space around it, invisible to sensor or physical eye. The technology was gifted to them by the Kzer-Za*, but the Ilwrath had come to use it with fervor. They carefully kept secondary devices and kept them clean and tidy, despite knowing little of their workings except the on and off buttons.

"Uncloak And Fire Flaming Bursts Of Doom And Death Upon The Puny Hu-mans When Within Range," said Karvax, patiently enjoying the anticipation of the death to come. "Their Death Shall Feed The Hunger Of The Holy Dogar And Kazon."

"I Will Do So, Commander. I Can Barely Wait," acknowledged Zorgan. "I Mean, Their Flesh Shall Taste Juicy And Sweet," he corrected himself, holding one limb over the Fire Flaming Bursts of Doom And Death button.   

The Chakzth glided toward the Eathling Cruiser containing Ensign Eldan Dakota.


* _{Why they do not use it themselves, or give it to any of their other known thralls, is a mystery perhaps never understood. The Ur-Quan do not generally chat about such things. Actually, they don't chat about anything. They only command.}

[fossaman]

Chez'ef, a junior officer assigned to sensor duty on the Umgah vessel Bob burped lazily with one of his mouths.
     "Pardon me," he said. "That wasn't very good. Let me try again." He contemplated for a moment, and then from three of his mouths at once, a mighty belch erupted. The mess hall resounded with the squelchy laughter of hundreds of mouths, belonging to approximately twenty Umgah.
     "Triplicate¹! Impressive, Chez'ef. I can only manage duplicate, and then only after I eat roast chulka worms²," said a nearby ensign³. "What's the most you've been able get?"
     "I once got a quintuple, but I'd been trying some of that experimental Terran stuff they've been replicating. You know, that 'soda' or whatever it is. Apparently, they put carbon dioxide in suspension in it, so that it kind of tingles in your mouth and throat. Of course, then you have carbon dioxide sitting in your stomach, and it's got to get out somehow!" More squelchy laughter resulted from the thought of the inevitable result.
     An intercom suddenly burst into full volume. "BOO!" it said. A number of the Umgah in the mess hall jumped, startled, then burst once more into their squelchy, chuckling laughter. They did that a lot.
     The intercom spoke again. "Ensign Chez'ef, please report to sensor station 4. Ensign Chez'ef, please report to sensor station 4. That is all."
     Chez'ef used three of his five arms to hoist himself from the platform⁴ he was sitting on and onto the deck. He extended his other two arms to the ground, then lifted the first three and moved them ahead. In this fashion he plopped out of the mess hall and into the corridor. He made his way along the pink, fleshy passage until he reached a dead end. He stepped onto another platform at the end of the hallway, then whooshed downwards and out of sight with a moist giggle.
     Arriving at the Sensor Deck, he squelched off the platform and towards the platform seat for Sensor station 4. He locomoted onto it and began manning his equipment. There was no sign of any Mrrnmhrrm ships, even though they were in Mrrnmhrrm space, so he set about planning his next big prank. Let's see... he thought. I've already rewired the intercom to play Winky's happy night once this voyage...I've already put one of those Whoopee Cushion MK Vs⁵ on the captain's platform in the mess hall...Ah! I'll fake a sensor contact...maybe a fleet of chenjesu...no, that's too easy. I should whip up a contact of the Spathi's Ultimate Evil that they're always talking about...that should be especially exciting if the data gets transmitted to headquarters! As he at last thought of another worthy practical joke toi perform, and evil grin formed, and his many eyes gleamed with savage delight. This would be worth some laughs!

1: For the Umgah, belching is a competitive sport, and is sometimes used as a measure of virility. Volume, length, and tone are taken into account, but the most highly regarded skill is that of belching with multiple mouths at the same time. It is said that the legendary Umgah belcher Hi'lo'hi could create intricate harmonies.
2: Chulka worms are a food item native to the Umgah's home planet. They have incredible resistance to heat, so when they are cooked by open-flame roasting, the outside is cooked but the worm is still alive. It is bad form to chew the Chulka, so they inevitably wiggle around in a delightful manner in the Umgah's stomach. They are considered very amusing.
3: The Umgah do not use the same ranks as humans, but that is the human equivalent of that Umgah rank.
4: Umgah don't use chairs. They use fleshy, padded platforms or pedestals.
5: The Umgah have taken the art of the whoopee cushion to new heights. Their latest models, like the mark five, include a super thin design, camouflage, and a smell capsule. Sometimes they are outfitted with electric buzzers activated when the victim sits down on them.

[Morpheus]

Eldan gazed out the window and I guess you could say that he, literally, stared into outer-space. He sighed and brushed the long tresses of hair from the front of his face. "Gosh, this is boring."

Takata nodded rubbing his finger over the point-defense laser's fire button. "I know, and saying so only makes it more frustrating."

"I'm just trying to vent stress myself."

"Is it working?"

"No." Eldan replied flatly. He grinned and glanced at Takata. "At least there aren't Illwrath chasing us or something."

Takata frowned in confusion. "That would be great! What are you saying!"

Eldan rolled his eyes. "Nevermind."

There was a long silence until Eldan turned and found Takata looking smug. Eldan cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

Takata snickered then said, "You're afraid of the Illwrath aren't you?"

"No!" Eldan denied.

Takata stared him down witha suspicious look. "Yes you are."

Eldan shook his head vigorously. "No, I am not."

"Then why are you glad we aren't running into one?" Takata said still smirking.

Eldan scowled at Takata before explaining. "Ever since I was a kid I would get this repulsive feeling by the appearance of spiders." Eldan paused for a moment making sure Takata wasn't laughing. "They just creep me ou-"

At that moment Takata laughter burst forth from his calm face. Eldan glared at Takata as he spoke. "The Irony of you being placed on this mission and you have a fear of spiders!"

Eldan continued to glare. "It's not that funny. And it's not a fear I just hate their disgusting hair legs and mandibles. And their mutliple eyes."

Rena suddenly spoke up from behind them. "Better get rid of that fast, Eldan, because in this case that can be considered racism. Who knows maybe we can ally some day."

Eldan grinned at the typical optimistic nature of Rena. "Well in this case it doesn't really matter considering they are our enemies."

"For now they are." Rena stated as if that was going to end the discussion.

Eldan shook his head. "No, they worship their twin gods of destruction and torment. Killing is what they believe their supposed to do. In fact they like being evil. What does that tell you?"

Rena smiled. "That they are confused and just need a bit of friendship."

Eldan chuckled. "I know that's a joke."

"Half is, half not." Rena said. "It could happen."

Rena took a moment to glance down at her sensor console. She frowned and started pushing buttons frantically. Eldan tunred to study what she was doing. "What's wrong."

"I'm detecting a faint gravitational signal on interception course for us."

Eldan's turned back to face the controls and the large viewport. Seconds later Commander Ron Hamiltion stpeed on to the bridge. "Report."

Rena began her report. "Just a moment ago I detected a ships gravity signature headed for us. Sir, my best guess would be an Illwrath avenger."

Eldan groaned. "I was hoping you would say Spathi Eluder or something."

Their was a violent shake and the ship dropped back into truespace. "Crap!" Eldan said.

"Evasive maneuvers!" Ron shouted as the rest of the bridge personnel entered stepped behind their assigned control panels.

"Evade what?" Eldan yelled back.

Rena prsessed a few buttons. "I'm detecting strange light distortions off our left starboard-"

"I got it." Eldan said as he violently pulled the wheel right. He was just in time to see the avenger uncloack and it's hellfire cannon speing forth its flames.

Luckily, Eldan had turned at just the right moment to where the avenger didn't even touch them. Eldan kept his foot on the acceleration.

The Commander briefly grinned. "Good job, ensign. Takata fire point-defense lasers."

"They won't work at this range sir. If we were in range we wouldn't be having this discussion."

The Commander frowned in determination and thought. Suddenly an asteroid field came into view. "Head for that, Dakota."

"Already on it, Sir."