Three guys are at a bar. The first guy says, "I've got 5 kids. I'm getting close to a basketball team."
The second guy says, "I've got 10 kids, I'm getting close to a football team!"
The third guy says, "That's nothing, I've got 17 wives... one more and I have a golf course!"
---
(More a proverb than a joke, but still...)
A man is jogging through the forrest when he sees a badly injured snake. He picks it up, brings it home, and over the course of the next month nurses it back to full health. One day the snake bites him, and while the man is dying from the venom he asks the snake, "Why did you bite me after I saved your life?" The snake replies, "You
KNEW I was a snake."
---
A penguin is driving his car through a long, desolate highway in Arizona (rather hot, dry state here in the U.S.) when suddenly the car begins to sputter and shake. He manages to get over the next hill before the car totally dies.
Off in the distance the penguin can see an auto repair shop, so he begins pushing his car. This is just a tiny little penguin, so he has to put a lot of effort into getting the vehicle there. When the penguin gets to the shop he asks the mechanic if he can take a look at it. The mechanic, amazed to see a talking penguin and realizing this could bring a lot of business in from the arctic circle (
) says he'll get right on it, and that the penguin should come back in half an hour.
So the penguin leaves the garage, and saints be praised he sees an ice cream shop not too far off. Since the poor little guy is severely exhausted and overheated, he goes on in and asks for a large vanilla cone. Now penguins don't have fingers, and as a result find it rather difficult to navigate their way through an ice-cream cone. After half an hour the penguin has just as much of the ice cream on him as he managed to eat.
The penguin waddles back to the garage just as the mechanic rolls out from under the car and asks him what's wrong. The mechanic says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, it's just ice-cream" replies the penguin.
