Twelve Angry Aliens

[Darth Sonic]

   Hello, and welcome all honored delegates of the various interstellar powers of this region of space. I am Melnorme Diplomatic drone ADF-2134-BLARG42, but you all may refer to me as Blarg, if you so desire. My job here is that of coordinator of the proceeding negotiations, which includes such functions as: making sure all concerns are addressed, no one is ignored, and to make sure that all parties involved are given the fair treatment they deserve. I have been programmed with no political views, and so therefore, all my actions will be made without bias.

  As you are all aware, this sector of space has suffered more then fifty straight years of blood, tears, and almost continuous war. Now that the flames of battle have all but faded away, something must be done with what remains, and that is why you are all here. Now that two ancient, mighty empires have fallen, will a new, united interstellar power rise from the ashes, or will all involved parties go their separate ways? That is for the honored delegates to decide. I need not remind you all that the effects of what is decided here will be felt by billions of souls spread across hundreds of stars.

   Ah, and with great pleasure, may I introduce the ambassador of the Black Spathi Armada!!!!!

!@#%#%$$*%*&$^&#$$^*$^&%$^

    Yo all, the name’s Fwibo. Now, first things first, let me get this outta the way: strictly speaking, we, formally the Black Spathi Squadron, now simply the Black Spathi (though I like the sound of Black Spathi Armada…), are no longer genetically Spathi, but an entirely separate sub-species (as you might be able to tell from our sweet, now naturally black shells). We felt that the last vestiges of the hated cowardice of are countrymen lie within our genes, so we decided to do something about it: we went to the best gene-molders in the sector, the Umgah. This… wasn’t the smartest thing we ever did. The Umgah, in their eternal quest for a cheap laugh, made us a little TOO brave. Now we find ourselves playing chicken with fully armed B.U.T.T. warheads (we’re STILL trying to clean up that mess) and challenging Delta Gorno Snarggle Beasts to mortal combat (now we understand why the Shofixti value them so much as trophies).

   Thankfully, the hunams decided to help us (you need to have a little genetic know how in order to create something like the Androsynth), and within a few generations, we will be as brave as the honored Shofixti, but with some more common sense!!!! So therefore, we, the Black Spathi, pledge our allegiance to the humans and whatever political organization they choice to join!!!!!!!!

[Valaggar Redux]

*There is a sudden noise from the corner of the room. A black cupboard-like object opens its doors, revealing a grayish metallic belt holding a matte, white crystal. The machine begins to warble and buzz; the translation devices of each participant in the meeting start operating frantically.*

I IDENTIFY MYSELF AS CHMMR, RANK ONE, EXECUTIVE, THE PRODUCT OF THE MERGING BETWEEN THE CHENJESU HOLDER OF THE CRYSTAL OF NAUGHT AND THE MMRNMHRM CENTRAL UNIT. MY NAME IS MZZAZZEL.
I EXTEND MY GREETINGS TO ALL RACES PRESENT HERE IN THIS HALL. I WILL TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BRING THE FOLLOWING MATTERS TO THE ATTENTION OF THIS COUNCIL:

FIRST: WE WANT TO STRESS THAT THE ALLIANCE OF FREE STARS IS A DEFUNCT ORGANIZATION, AND THAT THEREFORE OUR RACE NO LONGER HOLDS A POSITION OF DOMINANCE IN THIS REGION OF SPACE. ADDITIONALLY, WE WANT TO STRESS THAT THE LEADER OF THE NEW ALLIANCE OF FREE STARS IS NOT OUR RACE. HIS NAME IS CAPTAIN ZELNICK. HE WILL DECIDE WHETHER THE ALLIANCE WILL BE DISBANDED OR NOT. OUR RACE WILL ACCEPT HIS JUDGMENT. WE URGE THE OTHER RACES PRESENT IN THIS HALL TO IMITATE OUR DECISION REGARDING THIS MATTER.

SECOND: THE ANALYSIS OF THE VINDICATOR'S LOGS HAS REVEALED THE PRESENCE OF AN ANOMALOUS PHENOMENON AT HYPERSPACE COORDINATES 043.8 : 637.2. THE PHENOMENON MANIFESTS AS A CIRCULAR, 300-METERS WIDE, GREEN PORTAL. FURTHER STUDY OF THE LOGS HAS INDICATED THAT THE PHENOMENON IS INDEED A PORTAL. HOWEVER, THE SHIP LOGS DO NOT REVEAL THE ENDPOINT OF THE PORTAL. WE SENT AN EXPLORATORY MISSION THROUGH THE PORTAL SEVEN EARTH MONTHS AGO. HOWEVER, THE NUMBER OF REPORTS WE HAVE RECEIVED FROM THE EXPLORATORY TEAM IS EQUAL TO ZERO.
WE REQUEST MORE INFORMATION ON THIS SUBJECT FROM THE RACES PRESENT IN THIS HALL.

THIRD: WE ARE CHMMR. WE ARE BOTH CHENJESU AND MMRNMHRM IN MINDSET AND BEHAVIOR. WHILE THE CHENJESU RACE WOULD NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF ANY REGION OF SPACE BESIDES THE SPACE WITHIN OUR FORMER SPHERES OF INFLUENCE, THE MMRNMHRM RACE IS EAGER TO RETRIEVE WHATEVER PORTIONS OF SPACE AND/OR PLANETS WILL BE GRANTED TO US AS A REWARD FOR OUR INVALUABLE HELP IN THE WAR AGAINST THE UR-QUAN. OUR NATURES ARE DUAL. BOTH PARTS MUST BE SATISFIED. WE HAVE REACHED AN INNER COMPROMISE. WE WILL REQUEST TO TAKE POSSESSION OF THE REGION OF SPACE FORMERLY INHABITED BY THE PKUNK. WE ARE ALSO PREPARED TO NEGOTIATE WITH THE BLACK SPATHI OVER THE CONTROL OF THE REGION OF SPACE FORMERLY INHABITED BY THE SPATHI, SHOULD THEY HOLD ANY CLAIM ON THAT REGION. WE REQUEST THAT THE YEHAT AND THE BLACK SPATHI DELEGATES FORMULATE THEIR RESPECTIVE OPINIONS ON THIS MATTER.

[Trekkie]

*A Supox standing on a specially adapted "pad" of soil moves to speak*

"Greetings fellow Carbon creatures, Greetings Crystal creature. May your roots always be well watered! I am La ala la representative of the Supox Uticularia, from our home planet Earth, or more properly: Perfectly Good And Nutritious Dirt!

While we Supox wait on the decision of this Captain Zelnick about this New Alliance of Free Stars, I would like to ask if wether this very militaristic name could possibly be changed to something more friendly, more along the lines of The United Federation of Worlds or possibly the Coalition of Worlds?

Also, I would like to bring attention to the fact that the Supox fleet of Blade Starships was heavily damaged in our efforts to aid the Human Captain Zelnick, this has severly limited our ability to support colonies, and we have been reduced to only a few worlds. We ask for help to re-establish our colonies that we were forced to abandon, and possibly to expand even further.

[Darth Sonic]

Blarg: The counsil recognizes ambassador  La ala la of the Supox and ambassador Mzzazzel of the Chmmr. May I remind the Supox delegation that it has yet to be decided if the Alliance will even continue to exist, nor what form of government it would have, let alone be in a position to rename it. Please refrain from such an exchange in the future. Now, on to the business at hand.

First. I am required to ask the Chmmr delegate if they still claim the worlds of the former Chenjesu and the Mmrnmhrm?

Now, how does the black Spathi delegation respond to the Chmmr request?

Fwibo: Well, as I said before, we are no longer of the same species of the Spathi, so we have no political influence there (we had none even when we WERE Spathi!!! They all thought us insane). But, seeing as the Spathi have slave shielded themselves (damn cowards…) I highly doudt that they would mind. However, the Black Spathi nation, nor her allies take any resposiblilty if such a expansion gets messy, though I doudt they would do anything, slave shield or not. As to the portal, that would be Quasispace, we’re quite familiar with it, it’s how we envaded the Ur Quan durin the wars. Here, this is a map of Quasispace and outher sensor data of it.

As much as we feel for the Supoxs situation, we regret to say we can provide any assistance, to many problems of our own. However, I’m sure our hunam allies can help. We’ll pass the word.

[Valaggar Redux]

WE EXTEND OUR THANKS TO THE BLACK SPATHI RACE. THE DATA WE HAVE RECEIVED FROM YOU INDICATES THAT THE REGION OF QUASISPACE WHICH THE PORTAL LEADS TO IS UNDER THE CONTROL OF THE ARILOU LALEE'LAY. THIS IS MOST DISTURBING. DOES THE ARILOU DELEGATE HAVE ACCESS TO ANY INFORMATION THAT MAY BE RELEVANT TO THE MATTER OF THE DISAPPEARED EXPLORATORY MISSION? IF THE ANSWER IS 'YES', WE REQUEST THAT THE ARILOU DO EVERYTHING THAT IS NECESSARY TO BRING BOTH THE LOST AVATARS AND THEIR CREWS BACK TO HYPERSPACE.

REGARDING WHETHER OUR RACE HOLDS ANY CLAIM TO THE WORLDS OF OUR FOREBEARS: YES, WE DO. IS THAT NOT THE WAY OF ALL LIFE THAT IS BORN, GIVES BIRTH, AND DIES? THE PROPERTIES OF THE OLDER GENERATIONS ARE PASSED ALONG TO THE NEWER GENERATIONS AS THE OLDER ONES FADE AWAY. OUR TWO SPECIES' TRANSITION TO A HIGHER FORM OF EXISTENCE DOES NOT CHANGE ANY OF OUR RIGHTS AND DUTIES. WE ARE THE CHENJESU. WE ARE THE MMRNMHRM. WE ARE TWO SPECIES IN ONE. WE ARE THE NEXT CHENJESU GENERATION AND THE NEXT MMRNMHRM GENERATION. THE CHANGES INCURRED BY OUR BODIES AND MINDS DO NOT MATTER IN THIS REGARD.

WE WILL PROVIDE THE HELP NEEDED BY THE SUPOX RACE. AS IT IS OUR RIGHT TO BE REWARDED FOR OUR PART IN THE WAR, SO IT IS THE RIGHT OF THE SUPOX TO RECEIVE COMPENSATIONS FOR THEIR LOSSES DURING THE WAR. A SIZABLE FLEET OF AVATARS AND SUPPLY SHIPS IS ALREADY HEADING IN THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF THE DRACONIS STARS, AIMING TO LEAVE THIS REGION OF HYPERSPACE IN ORDER TO LOCATE AND FREE THE RACES ENSLAVED BY THE UR-QUAN KZER-ZA ALONG THEIR PATH OF NOW AND FOREVER. WE WILL DETACH A PORTION OF THIS FLEET AND INSTRUCT THEM TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE TO THE SUPOX. WE REQUEST NO PAYBACK FOR THIS SERVICE.

[Darth Sonic]

Blarg: I meant no offece, honored ambassador of the Chmmr. I am programmed not to assume, and said programming required me to make the querry. My makers, the Melnorme, have learned that to assume in such scenarios can lead to unexpected consequences, even, in extreme cases, full on xenocide (the Melnorme are willing to provide examples, at a nominal sum of credits)!!!!

Now, back to the matter at hand, but first, the counsil now acknowledges the human delegation!!!!

*through the gates come a pair of well dressed (at least, well dressed in their culture) human beings. One was a stern, poker face, dark skinned male, the other a dumbfounded looking oriental girl with hair dyed red, her head swinging to and fro in utter astonishment. From this display, one would assume the male the real player, while the female simply an overwhelmed aid. This assumption would be wrong, but we’ll get to that later*

Male: I am honored to be here. My name is Richard Stuart, though you may call me Dick, if you so please. Now, first and foremost, Zelnick has not disbanded, nor, though, does he claim dominance, nor do the Chmmr, UN, or anyone else, over the Allaince. It’s the Alliance of FREE Stars, after all, and any singular entity claiming dominance over such is hypocrisy. We are not her to negotiate landgrads or any such thing, but to discuss the constitution of a new, united….. DON’T DO THAT!!!!!

*The girl was fidgeting with the Black Spathi’s shell, said entity noticeably twitching*

Girl: but he’s so cute….

Fwibo:…..Excuse me, fellow delegates, but I need some…fresh air.

*Fwibo storms out to dumbfounded stare/stare equivalents*

[Trekkie]

*La ala la begins to speak, after watching Fwibo storm out of the room*

"We wou.d like to thank the Chmmr anyway for there help that will be much appreciated by the Uticularia. I hope that this will open up a long-lasting friendship with the Crystal Creatures!"

"Now that we have established in soil that the New Alliance of Free Stars is not to be disbanded, can we please return to my suggestion earlier about re-naming to Alliance to something more peaceful-sounding such as the Coalition of Worlds? I believe this would help to persuade more Carbon Creatures into staying in the group, if they new only by first hearing the name that it is not a militaristic Organisation."

"lastly we would like to welcome the Human delegates, and respectivly ask that the Female please refrain from fidgeting with other creatures bodies."

[jaychant]

*A Yehat and Pkunk step in*

We are the Yehat-Pkunk unification. We have now established a peaceful, powerful empire.

We would like to have design specifications for the Avatar, Jugger, Cruiser, Nemesis, and some parts used on the Vindicator: all three types of weapons, tracking systems, and shiva furnaces. In return, we promise to protect you all at all costs if you are attacked. In addition, the Pkunk will provide spiritual guidance to all who request it.

We do not require captains.

[Dabir]

An Utwig rises, his head encased wholely in a grey metal capsule. "I am Utwig Proctor Manolo, wearing only, as customary during diplomacy, the Under-Mask Of A Visage Adopted During The Playing Of A Card Game Of Skill. With regards to the technological specifications requested by the Yehat/Pkunk, we would be happy to agree to such a trade, if the Pkunk would be willing to transport a delegation to the Reticuli constellation where they will be met by a group of Juggers. From there the delegation will be transported to our homeworlds in the Aquarii constellation. The High Proctor believes that the insight of the Pkunk may assist us in use of the Ultron, and vice-versa. If the Yehat/Pkunk Unification is unwilling to agree to these terms we would still be happy to provide them with a program, tailored to their computer systems, that would allow them to construct Juggers, but not provide them with information on our ships systems."

[jaychant]

We accept this offer. We are now sending a small delegation of 4 Pkunk Furies protected by two Yehat Terminators. The Terminators will disconnect from the fleet and return home once they are sure the Pkunk are safe.

[Darth Sonic]

Blarg: This counsil recognizes the ambassadors for the Pkunk/Yehat unification and Utwig Protectorate. My creators, the Melnorme, weren't fully clear as to the polotics of this region, so in order to best preform my function as a diplomatic drone, I ask: Are the Utwig and the Supox part of the same political orginization (not including the New Alliance Of Free Stars), or are you seperate political entities?

Yehat/Pkunk delegation, if you niew your personal consols, you will see that the Chmmr delegation had made a requast. What is your reply?

Dick: The human delegation welcomes the newly arrived delegation as well. Yes La ala la, I guess we can think of a name for our organization. Zelnick actually originally thought of the name "Concordance Of Alien Nations" but the ressurecting the old name would be better for moral. May we request that such exchanges as the one that just took place between the Yehat/Pkunk and the Utwig be kept to privat diplomatic channels? We have bigger fish to fry, like creating a stable interstellr power and a constitution to boot.

Blarg: Your request is respectfully denied, human ambassador. These negotiations are to settle all problems in this region of space, not just one. 

Dick: Hmm.... well, we request temporary leave. We have something to take care of now. *The human delegation leaves, the girl still amazed looking*

[Dabir]

"Yehat/Pkunk: Your agreement has been acknowledged. We are glad this matter could be resolved so swiftly.

Melnorme Diplomatic Drone: Our relationship with the Supox is based on mutual aid, due to our neighbours' own nature. We are, however, separate political entities, although we are close to each other emotionally.

Also, I request a minor point of information from the Diplomatic Drone: What is your role regarding decisions such as those that have been agreed between ourselves and the Yehat/Pkunk? Are you storing a record of what passes between beings within this hall?

Finally, it seems that we currently have a noticeable lack of stable trade routes between races that had no contact with each other prior to the war. The Ultron informs us that the Druuge were not to be trusted, and we are unaware of any other major traders, so it seems to us that the Melnorme are ideally placed to take advantage of this situation. Are the honorable Trade Masters considering such plans?"

[Darth Sonic]

Blarg: It seems that there has been a misuderstanding as to my function in these proceedings, and for this I apologize. My function here is that purely of a nuetral coordinator for this counsil. I am in no way a diplomatic repersentitive of the interests of the Melnorme Trade Masters, and have no knowledge as to thier future plans. Such requests/inquiries should be directed to the Melnorme delegate, if they chose to send one. My designation as a "Melnorme Diplomatic Drone" purely denotes the fact that I was built by the Melnorme.

I must informe you, then, that if the Melnorme do send a delegate, I will be just as unbiased with them as with any other race. I am programed to to form political opinions, and therefore, maintain complete nuetrality, even towards my creators.

[jaychant]

I still wish to know if anyone else accepts our terms.

[jaychant]

We still await an agreement to our offer. We have already constructed the new Yehat Hypershield. We wish to improve it some more.