"Snakes on the Board!"

[Sedodes]

Rules are simple:

Play as yourself.  Advance the story.

Bear in mind that you can do almost whatever you want, including having snakes bite people.  It's up to them (or me) if they die from it.  Each forum is a "wing" of the board, and each thread a "room."  The goal is to figure out who let loose the snakes and to survive until an exit is found.  There are four things you cannot do:

1)  Kill someone else.  You can wound them in any way, but only they or I can declare them dead.  Dead characters don't necessarily "lose," since we've seen resurrections happen before.

2)  Find the culprit(s).  You can locate any clues you want.  The culprit(s) is/are going to be decided by popular opinion, so this is going to be a game of persuasion.  Convincing people that your clues are better than theirs (or that theirs also lead to your culprit) is probably going to be the key here.  Depending on how many people you "convert" to your suspicion, you'll be elligible for bigger GYAP rewards.  Be careful not to have an "evidence arms race" or you just may find yourself bitten.  The culprit isn't going to paint his name on a snake.

3)  Be the culprit.  Remember, if you DID do it you DON'T want people to find out.  Someone innocent may be framed.

4)  Escape.  You're here until the situation is resolved.

That said, have fun.

[fossaman]

Ok, which two of those four things can't we do? I'm guessing it's 1 and 4, right?

So, is this all supposed to take place in this thread, or just in random other threads around the board?

This sounds like fun, but I'm a little fuzzy on the rules/goal.

[Sedodes]

[[Fossa -- all four, I added two and forgot to fix that.  thanks.  This is an RP just in this thread.  Goal is essentially to persuade everyone that the person you think it is did it -- without being so blatant or producing so much evidence that you ruin the RP.]]

I sank into the couch in front of the fireplace.  I could see Eth out of the corner of my eye, standing by a window contemplatively puffing on his pipe.  We'd all been pounding on the huge, steel door for hours, and following Eth I was the second to give up.  Roughly 50 metres behind me the frenzied smashing of chairs, tables, and pictures against the door continued.  It mixed eerily with the variety of profanities in a handful of different languages and accents that were also being used to form a grim symphony.

We hadn't thought much of it earlier.  Yeah, the door was locked.  Maybe Chad had misplaced the key?  After all, it'd happened before.  And then we found the note peeking out from the chair cushion:

"There are roughly 3200 snakes in here with you.  Enjoy the company."

RTyp06 reached out to grab it and withdrew his hand with a cry of pain as a long black snake slithered away quickly.  Two bloody mounds now populated RTyp06's wrist, and after running a fever for a short time and complaining of a progressively worsenning burning sensation he passed away.  Then came the fury of our force against the door.

Eventually, exhausted, everyone came back to the study.  We all looked at each other, sharing an unspoken panic that was only contained by our silence.  After an eternity, knv8907 asked plaintively, "So what are we going to do?"

Lukipela answered confidently, "Well, that letter obviously wasn't there when we showed up and walked by on our way in, so one of us brought in the snakes.  The question is, who?"

"A wise man once said," I mumbled as I began a game of chess against myself, "that the mistakes are already there, just waiting to be made.  We don't have any antivenom, so our primary concern is to avoid the snakes."

A large python slithered across the doorway to the room.  Nobody else had seen it, probably for the best.

"All I know is that when we do figure out who did it I get first crack at them.  I owe them a thank you and a savage beating."

[fossaman]

"What?" I screamed. "You mean one of us did this? When I find out who, they're going to get a thorough chewing on...after Sedodes does his beating, of course." I showed my pointed Fossa teeth in an evil grin tinged with panic.

"But how are we going to escape!?" kvn8907 cried with rising hysteria. "We're all going to die! I don't want to die!" He grabbed Sedodes collar and started screaming horrible epithets.

Slap!
With a sharp blow Sedodes snapped kvn8907 out of his rising tirade.
"Now, there's no need to panic. We just have to stay calm. Now, does anybody have any experience with snakes?"

"I've eaten a few of them. They don't taste very good though," I mused. "But there isn't any food here, is there? Does anybody mind if I eat any snakes we see?"

"Yessss, I mind. I object to being eaten." I looked up at the sudden, sibilant voice. There in front of me was a decently sized emerald tree boa (see a picture), about seven feet long. Though I hesitated to eat something that talked, I figured it was my duty.

The boa struck then, though, and though they aren't poisonous, they have sharp teeth. I recieved a painful bite on my shoulder. But then I struck back, biting through it's spine in a single blow.

"Ouch. Oh well, I didn't have any breakfast this morning. Does anyone else want some?" A wave of shuddering passed through the assembled group. "More for me then." I ate with relish.

[Chrispy]

Chrispy the owl flew up to the top of the room and landed on the decadent chandelier.

“Look behind you Fossa! There’s a cobra coming up behind you!”

[Eth]

  A red-hot beam lashed out from Eth's laser beam eyes.  The cobra sizzled like a sausage. 

  "You owe me one, fossaman.  Go forth, my minions, and find the snakes.  Report back to me," said Eth.  His horde of robotic vermin crawled, scuttled, and buzzed-off in all directions. 

  "We can mark their locations on this site map.  "It seems likely that the greatest concentration will be found at their point, or points, of release.  We can search there for clues.  When I find the culprit..."  His eyes blazed again, setting the drapes on fire. 

[Chrispy]

Chrispy perched on Eth's shoulder, deciding that it was the least likely place for him to burn accidentally.

'Hoot,' said Chrispy happily.

[Sage]

Cyborg Sage assesses the situation at hand. Somehow he is in the company of several "board members", all confined to this single "room". Several of these "members" match descriptions of known Anti-Controversial Subject practitioners. He does not understand how or why he has been in the company of so many ACS-minded individuals without attempting to either convert or otherwise process them. This does not compute, he thinks.

Also, Sage 2.0's scanners indicate the life signs of numerous cold blooded, legless reptiles, otherwise known as "snakes". They all appear to be incredibly hostile. This problem must also be attended to.

Sage 2.0 examines his...

Primary Directives:
1: Processing is a priority.
2: Survival is a priority.
3: Expansion is a priority.

In accordance with Directive #1, Sage 2.0 summons his legions of flying, mechanized sharks (featuring jet engine bodies, rocket propelled teeth, and chainsaw fins). Crashing through walls, ceilings, and pretty much anything else that gets in their way, the robosharks assemble before him within 2.367 seconds. They are getting lax, he thinks. He makes a note to perform maintenence scanning after this encounter is over. That aside, Cyborg Sage sends the command to "process" all who have not embraced Controversial Subject.

But then, a mystery? The sharks do not obey his command! This is not acceptable. Acting upon his prevoius notation, Sage runs a low-level scan of their systems. The result: Some minor mechanical imperfections, but otherwise all systems are operational. Puzzling. Scanning his own database, Cyber-Sage locates the discrepancy. Apparently, a "rule" has been put in place which prevents him from forcibly discorporating his fellow "members".

In accordance with Directive #2, Sage commands his sharks to instead attack all of the snakes! Instantly obeying his command, they fly into the fray, slicing up, piercing, and generaly just destroying many of the opposing reptiles. Sage calculates that this move will not halt the advance of the snakes, but merely slow them down. It will not be long before the seemingly infinite horde of snakes overcomes the robot sharks. The sacrifice of his robosharks is acceptable, since they can be replaced easily enough.

At this moment, a "rule" suddenly takes charge of Cyber-Sage's mind. It influences him to locate the one who released the snakes upon them. With this thought at the forefront, he makes another note to later extract the cost of his sharks out of the perpetrator.

Firmly locked into "Directive #2 mode", Sage 2.0 begins scanning the surroundings for "clues"...

[Lukipela]

Lukipela looks around, and sighs at the mere apperance of his ludicrous forum mates.

"A cyborg, a fossa and a pipesmoker with laser eye beams. ", he thinks to himself. "Oh, and an owl. Lets not forget that. Plus loads of mechanical vermin and sharks. That's just great. These people have about as much of a survival chance as wolwerine in a magnet factory. Still, things could be worse. After all, I do have a bodyguard."

As he casually leans against the wall, keeping a close eye on the other forumites, Lukipela sends out a signal towards somewhere deep inside the forum.

[Sedodes]

I looked up from my game of chess, frustrated that I'd locked myself into a stalemate due to knowing all of the moves my opponent was going to make.  "When you're all done throwing lasers and robots around, perhaps we can make a little less noise and a little more headway into the task(s) at hand?  Controversial Subject help us if we should actually not just mentally masturbate with our cool powers and abilities."

One of Sage's sharks exploded in a writhing mass of snakes which was pounced upon by the other sharks.  Eth was obviously interested in incinerating the vipers but forced himself to look plaintive as I continued to speak.

"Looking at the note, what jumps out at me is that there are no commas or periods in the number and that there is proper spelling and capitalization.  While someone may be trying to throw us off, my initial suspicions would lie with those who don't punctuate their numbers and those who take great care in capitalization and use of periods."

A quick glance around the room was shared by all.

"No, you probably don't remember everyone who follows those patters offhand.  Which means we may have to do some exploring.  Just be careful; remember to look all about you as often as possible.  In all of the movies I've seen, snakes tend to fall from above quite often; and as we all know, movies always give the best advice."

A rattlesnake fell before my feet.  Annoyed by this intrusion, I said to it sternly, "What the hell are you even doing here?  You offer nothing constructive, intelligent, or helpful and you're so obnoxious that even cold virii avoid you."  The snake began to cry, enraging me further, "And what the f*ck is that?  Snakes can't even cry.  Are you retarded or something?  I'll bet your parents were pretty torn between killing themselves and killing you once you were born.  Sadly, they obviously chose the former."  The rattlesnake imploded in glorious fashion with an agonizing scream that seemed to echo for an eternity.

A dozen or so more snakes crawled out from various locations and began to advance toward me.  I calmly removed my backpack -- a dark blue canvas sack with the words, "Controversial Subject" stitched into it.  "Close your eyes," I instructed the crowd.  They complied.  A few seconds later a warm sensation filled the room, and when everyone looked again, there were only cartoonish tufts of smoke where the snakes had been and me standing triumphantly with the backpack re-slung.

"It's obvious that we can destroy these snakes with relative ease, but there's the problem."  I pointed to another one of Sage's sharks, exploding much the same as its brother had.  "They keep re-manifesting."

"Like a fury!" FreakyM added excitedly.

"Yes, but at 100% odds rather than 50%." I replied.

"Look, we've all seen zombie movies and know that even the dumbest enemies en masse can prove to be insurmountable.  So don't waste too much time killing snakes when the person who released them will hopefully be able to stop them.  Anyway, I'm going to go visit my Birthday thread and partake of some of that old, ugly cake that Moronic Maria gave me.  I suppose I'll look for clues as well."

"Oh, and Lukipela, I think I saw your Argarak puppet being the victim of a snake orgy a bit earlier.  It's probably pretty soggy by now."

[fossaman]

Still munching noisily on my snake, I look over at the stunned expression on Lukipela's face.
"That's too bad. This was supposed to be some sort of super-powerful minion of some sort? That might have been useful." I wiped my mouth. Then, a thought struck me.
"Hey, what if the snake I just ate reincarnates in my stomach? That might be kinda unpleasant...hey, that tickles, ooh, ow!" I started scratching at my stomach and dancing around on the spot. "Does anybody have some ipicac syrup?"

[Chrispy]

Chrispy magically finds come syrop on a shelf, grabs it in his talons, and flies it over to the poor fossa.

"Hoot"

[fossaman]

I look at the bottle Chrispy has dropped into my paws.
"No no no! This is maple syrup! This won't do! Ooh, that feels funny. Does anybody know the heimlich manuever?"
Overwhelmed by the tickling in my guts, I finally just punch myself in the stomach. The snake stops moving briefly, but then starts up again. I punch myself again.
"Hah! That's better. I'll just have to keep punching myself. Now, how can we be sure that the culprit (or culprits) doesn't really have horrible spelling and punctuation skills? They might have made a special effort this time."

[Chrispy]

Chrispy, being hungry, begings to imagine the poor fossa as a little smaller, and starts thinking about lunch.

"No Chrispy, the fossa is your friend" He tells himself. Chrispy quickly flies away and tries to think about something else...

[Eth]

"Looking at the note, what jumps out at me is that there are no commas or periods in the number and that there is proper spelling and capitalization.  While someone may be trying to throw us off, my initial suspicions would lie with those who don't punctuate their numbers and those who take great care in capitalization and use of periods."

A quick glance around the room was shared by all.

"No, you probably don't remember everyone who follows those patters offhand.  Which means we may have to do some exploring.  Just be careful; remember to look all about you as often as possible.  In all of the movies I've seen, snakes tend to fall from above quite often; and as we all know, movies always give the best advice."

  It could be Scott_Irving.  He put "3200" in a post once...