Wow! I didn’t even notice that! What an interesting coincidence!… But I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong, but let’s go ahead and see for ourselves:Alvarin wrote:April First at the Umgah system. I wonder what could possibly go wrong...
Captain’s Log - Apr 4, 2157 - Beta Orionis - Near Planet 2 - Red Alert
There’s no more Umgah ships left… at least none within our interplanetary long-range scanner’s range. We’ve sat idle in space for nearly half a day at full alert and haven’t seen any more hostile Drones on sensors as we continue repairs to our vessel and the rest of the fleet, and I’ve finally had adequate time to review the battle reports and make a formal log entry, but rest assured, much has happened in the past several days, and most of it… has been quite unpleasant.
A pair of Umgah Drones was to be our first contact, and I kept an optimistic outlook when the Umgah first appeared on our viewscreen and laughed loudly and greeted us heartily, saying how surprised they were to see us humans again, even though they admitted they had never actually seen one in person (for lack of a better term) for themselves. Their visual appearance is disgusting and comical all at the same time and, in hindsight, it’s kind of like them… well, sort of.
“Blob” is definitely a sufficient word to describe them, as they look like a large, lumpy amorphous mass of pinkish gelatinous flesh with eyes, mouths and tentacle-like appendages in assorted shapes, sizes and with varying amounts of each, but usually in numerous quantities; especially the eyes, of which at least 5 or 6 of their captain’s eyes were constantly staring at me, while the other ones could continue to look around at the rest of their crew, plus the side panels, and the ceiling, and read a book, and I’m pretty sure he/she/it was probably sitting on a few of their own eyeballs as well. It makes me wonder… what would it be like to look in every direction all at once? Curious.
The same went for their many mouths, but as it spoke, it appeared that the central one facing my general direction was the main one being used, presumably so we could hear better, or perhaps also so it could simultaneously eat a cheeseburger or something while we talked, and I also noticed how its tentacles wrapped around different bulbous, fleshy modules in rows and sections all around it, and its finger-like appendages at the tips felt and periodically tugged on them. In fact, the entire interior of the craft appeared organic in nature, and one of the doorways in the background looked like an aortic valve of the human heart. Intriguing.
However, the content of their speech being processed through our linguistic buffers seemed disjointed, but what really bothered me was the confusing response options our translation computer offered, so I chose from the selection very carefully:
We told them about our ideals for freeing ourselves from the tyranny of the Ur-Quan, and they agreed to the point of liking the idea of freedom, but mostly from the angle of being free to subject other aliens to their vicious pranks and such, and as an example, they shared their plans of wanting to drop a large planetoid into the ocean of an assumed Thraddash planet (based on our conversations with the Melnorme and Spathi) in the Draconis region. Not exactly a bucket of water perched precariously atop a door for an unsuspecting victim, huh?
Seeing an opportunity for amicable relations, due to their seemingly laid back nature, I asked if there was any chance that we could be friends, and they promptly accepted our suggestion, claiming they were coming in close to properly greet their new friends, but it was only a rouse so they could move in and attack! Sneaky blobby bastards!
We destroyed the pair with one of the Orz ships, which took only a few casualties from the Drone’s Antimatter Cone, but also a few additional losses came from hand-to-hand combat after they had boarded.
Suddenly, there were more Umgah ships coming at us from all sides, some from the innermost world, while others came from a nearby gas giant, but we stood our ground and made no attempt to retreat; one way or another, these guys were going to either cooperate or suffer the consequences and get blasted into the blob afterlife!
We opened communications with the next group, this time a contingent of 4 Drones, and they teased me, referring to me (or my mate, as it were) as “old fluid sacks” but I was not amused in the slightest, so I decided to use a more direct approach and propositioned for them to reveal their secrets, to which they complied and explained that the Arilou had found a dying Talking Pet in the wreckage of an Ur-Quan Dreadnought on the surface of a planet in Alpha Pavonis. The Arilou couldn’t do anything to heal the injured creature, so they brought it to the Umgah to see if they could help. Hmmm… perhaps the Umgah are very advanced in the fields of biology and/or medicine. Interesting.
We tried to leave without further incident, but to no avail -- the Umgah announced that “here come best part” which just so happens to be another attack. It’s strange that they’re so willing to talk and joke around with us, and even reveal little tidbits of information, but they’re equally content in trying to kill all of us! Crazy freaks!
This time we sent in the Lexington, and at first it had good success, destroying the first pair of Drones with relative ease, but the third ship warped in facing the opposite direction, so the Drone activated its retro-propulsion engines and hurtled itself across space with tremendous velocity, stopping abruptly right off the starboard bow with the Cruiser drifting directly towards their ship and soon the back half of the ship was totally engulfed within their field of destructive antimatter particles, whose beauty of sparkling rainbow colors is only juxtaposed by its deadly power that began to tear the Lexington apart before it could veer off, and it was barely able to clear the cone in time, marginally avoiding destruction, although its rear engine nacelles were practically ripped off the ship, and they barely even had enough power to get enough distance from the Umgah in order to activate the emergency warp-out.
We sent in the next Nemesis, since it was fully-staffed, and they finished off the next 2 vessels with minimal casualties.
We were quickly met by another group, this time composed of 3 ships, who pretended at first that they couldn’t hear us and accused us of pulling a prank on them! Demented weirdoes! Unfortunately, our communications options hadn’t really changed, so I decided to go ahead and use the more hostile and intimidating choice where we accused them of being evil blobbies and demanded that they immediately surrender!… But, to my dismay, their only reaction was falling over themselves in an outpouring of laughter, saying that my joke was hilarious while they powered up their Antimatter Cones and zoomed in for another assault.
We chose to send in one of our new Stingers, but it failed to pull away in time when both ships were caught in a gravity well of the nearby gas giant, and the ZFP vessel found itself on the business end of the Umgah’s shredding weapon and was swiftly torn to pieces.
The Vindicator came roaring in for an avenging assault and obliterated the first ship, but the second one emerged and zipped backwards across our forward section, stopping adjacent to our flagship’s nose. We fired the hellbores in retaliation, but only the side cannon was positioned well enough to hit the Drone hard, but not hard enough to leave it completely disrupted, and we entered range of their weapon as we steered away, and our aft section took a good deal of antimatter damage, killing many of my crew in the process. Damn these heinous blobs!
We turned about and destroyed the Umgah ship, but the next ship tried the same tactic and hurled itself backwards towards us. Fortunately, we had just enough power in the weapon’s battery to deploy a full spread and the blast nailed the ship in zippy motion with full force, destroying it.
One last pair of Drones intercepted us, and I made one last ditch effort to bully them into compromising, swearing that I was indeed serious when I called them evil nasty blobs, but they only continued to respond by laughing maniacally as they charged into battle, laughing all the way.
Our flagship being down in manpower, I called upon Fwiffo and his ship the StarRunner, and although it took quite some time, they whittled down and took out both ships without any casualties, Spathi or otherwise. The Umgah aren’t the only species that have strategically employed tactical devices that are deployed in a backwards fashion!
If it weren’t for the deaths of my comrades, I might find the Umgah’s behavior funny, and it is indeed strange with a twisted perspective on humor, but I find it more confusing than amusing… not to mention it’s appalling. Simply put, these guys are mental. I can say with confidence that the Umgah have clearly demonstrated the double-meaning of the word “hysterical.”
We will resume course for the innermost planet. We are standing down Red Alert and switching to Yellow alert status. Captain out.